9 ways I could be a better person
I am already a lot more like the person I want to be than I ever have been in the past. I work hard on issues I think are of the utmost moral importance, I support work I think is important financially (if to a pretty modest extent), and I am just a lot more focused on what matters than I used to be (I think!).
However, I think there is still a lot of room to improve. Here are some ways I'd like to become morally better:
I can be more curious about new ideas and views and open to ways I might be wrong. I have developed a sense of there being so much to do that I am often very hesitant to step back and think about whether I might be wrong in one of the premises that has generated the to-do list. I think I also have some fear that if I am in some sense wrong, I'll have to make some large and difficult changes. Both of these seem like ways that, as people get older, they become crystallized in wrong or not-quite-right moral and empirical views, and I should put active effort into resisting this tenancy.
I can be less seducable by fanciness, fashion, and conventional status. I have not yet left behind the desire to bathe in status, coolness, beauty, and to some extent wealth, that I (think I) developed as a teenager. I need to remember that I am fine and will be fine, that I do not need those things, and that they are not important unless you need them to live your life the way you want and do the things you think are important.
I can do a better job at remembering/embodying the fact that there are a lot of important moral issues. Even though I am working on what I believe is highest priority, and because there are not infinite resources -- and I do not have infinite attention and time -- that is a good thing, that does not make other issues less pressing. Factory farming is exactly as big an atrocity as I thought it was before I discovered existential risk. It's OK not to work on it; it's not OK to minimize it.
I can be more willing to incur social and personal costs for my principles. I feel like I've sacrificed very little of real, visceral value to me for my principles. I think part of this is luck and therefore fine (indeed wonderful!), part of it is legitimate convergence (e.g. me being happy → me being more productive) but it suggests I'm subtly protecting my interests against my principles, since it'd be quite a coincidence if they always pointed to the same things. One thing I could do is be more confrontational.
I can be warmer and more socially generous. I often do not remember people's faces, names, or having met them. At a party or a dinner, I'm often more concerned with how I'm coming off than other people's experiences. I can be very warm and socially generous when I remember to, but I don't always remember to, and it'd be better if it were more of a default of mine. A friend of mine goes into a party thinking “how can I help others have a good time?” I could be more like him.
I can be in more intimate touch with the terrible and wonderful things and potential things in the world. I'm not sure this is something I should try to change, but I don't often *feel* the stakes of my action (and inaction) - I don't often think about all the suffering going on around me, all the lives that will be lost, or the beautiful things that could be gained. I just think: what's next on my to-do list?
I can be (even) more willing to spend my own money for the sake of my and others' work outside of formal philanthropic contexts. This is a way of personally subsidizing my own and my friends' efficiency from outside my donation budget. I think other people should do this more too. If you rent an apartment closer to the office, or whatever, you're actually funding more of your own work.
I can be more free of resentments, annoyance, and bitterness. These emotions still swim around my mind all too often. They (1) are often unjustified, (2) are ungracious even if they are justified in some sense, (3) make me suffer, and (4) take away my focus from important things.
I can be more willing to take personal and professional risks for the sake of big, potentially very high impact projects. I think it's very important for people to be ambitious and take on high expected value projects that may fail. I would prefer it if other people did this and not me. I should be more willing to do it myself. I can think bigger.
